Eternal Optimist (JC.Com Staff Writer JROCK): Four years have passed since we were defeated 2-1 by Ghana in the 2006 World Cup, which knocked us out of the tournament and dealt a crushing blow to the state of U.S. Soccer, but now it’s payback time. It’s time for retribution.

Pessimistic Pessimist (JC.Com Staff Writer and Resident Bully Know-It-All Jones): J*OCK, you need to take a real hard look at reality because if you do, then you’ll come to this conclusion: the Americans have no f****** chance. Zero. Nil. None. And I’ll tell you why: The World Cup is being held in Africa and Ghana is the last African team in the tournament. If you thought the dumb**** referees were f****** us over in the last two games, just wait. Just f****** wait.

Eternal Optimist: First of all it’s JROCK, with only one C, not two. Second, here’s something YOU should know about Ghana: A very popular movie in this country is the film, “Powder,” which might not mean anything to you but given the physical similarities of the main character in the movie and Michael Bradley, I think we will have the edge. If only because the Ghanaians are going to be so mistakenly star struck that the U.S. Coach’s son will most certainly have a good game and lead us to victory.

Pessimistic Pessimist: Gay-Rock, what is your drug of choice? Because you are f****** high. I like the movie, “Beverly Hills Cop,” but that doesn’t mean the Eddie Murphy look-alike on Ghana is going to tear sh*t up. You have to come with a better f****** argument than that if you want to make me a believer.

Eternal Optimist: I’ll give you two words to make you a believer: Landon Donovan.

Pessimistic Pessimist: You expect me to be a f****** believer because of him? He’s non-existent for the whole f***** game against Algeria, gets rewarded for cherry picking at the end when Algeria is threatening to score, and I’m supposed to buy into what he’s selling. No f***** chance. He’ll fold against Ghana like he did in 2006.

Eternal Optimist: Switching gears since your hate for Landon is appalling and un-American, I believe that there is genuine momentum behind our team with our back-to-back comebacks versus England and Slovenia and our complete performance versus Algeria. Every day, people who never cared before are caring about this team, this tournament, and this sport and there is a groundswell of support of an entire nation behind this team. We will win and anyone who doesn’t support them is a communist.

Pessimistic Pessimist: You make it sound like even Ghana wants us to f****** win. Once Team USA starts thinking they are a team of destiny, then that’s when sh** usually hits the fan.

Eternal Optimist: Ghana will be without their best player, Michael Essien, who is nicknamed the Bison, and in America, the Bison has been hunted to near extinction.

Pessimistic Pessimist: F*** Michael Essien and the gold chariot he flew in on, which was probably purchased by Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich. We don’t need him. We have Kevin Prince-Boateng and he’s a f****** baller so you’ve been warned, my American brethren.

Eternal Optimist: Prince-Boateng isn’t going to matter because the Ghanaians haven’t scored during this World Cup from the run of play.

Pessimistic Pessimist: Keep telling yourself that, Baywatch. The referees will bail them out with another bull**** penalty kick like they did in 2006 and the Americans will cry. Again. It’s going to be f****** awesome.

Eternal Optimist: I predict a 2-1 win for the U.S. with goals by Clint Dempsey and Jozy Altidore. We will go up 2-0 and Ghana will score one late to set-up a nail biting finish but Tim Howard will come up with two big saves to secure us the win. Also, the name is JROCK.

Pessimistic Pessimist: What’s that song I’m thinking of? I think it goes something like “When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are…” Do you know that one? Because that’s you, H & R Block. You’re f****** dreaming.

Eternal Optimist: Let’s make a bet then. U.S. wins, you have to write about how great I am and if Ghana wins, I’ll call you my hero for a week and start cussing incessantly to honor you.

Pessimistic Pessimist: That’s a f***** deal. I hope you lose, you p****.

Eternal Optimist: Good luck to you, too.

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