Overrated/Underrated

By Know-It-All Jones

So every week we have these stupid *** bull**** meetings about what we are going to do for the upcoming week – new ideas, themes, etcetera, like anyone reads this piece of **** blog – We put our names into a hat, similar to a 50/50 raffle at a Little League baseball game, and agonize over what we will be matched with.  Here were some of the topics written on the giant erase board that encompasses the whole ******* wall:

- Jimmy’s Good Looks (How Do We Make This Superior Strength Even Stronger?)

- Overrated/Underrated

- Ask Aunt Gladys

- Editorial: Is ESPN Dumbing Down The Masses?

- Jimmy’s Charm (How Much Is Too Much?)

- Looking Back:  Was “ALF” Really As Good Of A Television Show As We Thought It Was?

- The Arm Wrestling Competition At Headquarters

Let’s get one thing straight:  I hate to write.  It ******* sucks.  Punctuation, tense, coherence, who gives a ****?  Stupid ******* parole violation means I have to do my community service for these ****-offs and writing is the only thing they ******* do here.  I knew I shouldn’t have gotten on stage at Loose Larry’s Lavish Ladies.  

Anyway, I got selected to write “Overrated/Underrated,” which I guess is better than transcribing conversations from that old *****, Aunt Gladys, so written below is about 60 percent of my best effort and if that’s not okay, then **** you.  What does it matter?

OVERRATED

- Avatar

Who wants to see a nude Sigourney Weaver in 2010?  Maybe 25 years ago.  Not now.

- Hot Pockets

I’m all for eating like a ******* slob but these aren’t as good as advertised.  Average at best.

- U2 (of the last 10 years)

Pretentiousness personified.

UNDERRATED

- Matt Le Tissier 

Stayed at one club, Southampton, for his whole career and deserved more attention from the English National Team than he actually received.  Retired in 2002.

- Nerf Basketball

Since I ******* dominate in HORSE in the break room here at Headquarters, this game needs to be recognized as a full-fledged sport so I can be considered a professional athlete like the jack*** who has his face plastered all over this cyber canvas.

- Starbucks

This establishment has provided me with the platform to, like a dog, throw my scent around and mark my territory.  I swear to ******* God that I’ve already secured dates with these girls thanks to this global conglomerate.  Thanks double mocha latte frappuccino!

The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author, Know-It-All Jones, and not of the JimmyConrad.com Staff (save for one) or of Jimmy Conrad.  Know-It-All Jones' contempt for other human beings is apparent in everything he does and we hope his parole is up soon.  He can be reached at K-I-A-J@jimmyconrad.com.