Just Missed The Cut
By JROCK
Recently, the United States Soccer Federation (USSF) narrowed down their list of possible host cities, if America is indeed chosen to play host for either the 2018 or 2022 World Cup, and among the cities selected, there were some surprises (Indianapolis) and some not-so-surprises (Los Angeles, New York). This is exciting for a number of reasons but none more so than this: Bringing the World’s game and the World's biggest sporting event back to the U.S. for the first time since 1994 would be a huge boost of exposure to this sport and, obviously, to the American game itself. Without a shadow of a doubt, this tournament would be a huge attention grabber, not to mention an economic boom, for the host cities themselves. Through my contacts at U.S. Soccer, I’ve been able to acquire all of the cities that applied to be on the list, but didn’t quite make the final cut. There were many aspects of each city's bid to become a host, be it proper stadia, the city's ability to host a large event, or culture, and some of these cities may surprise you, but I think you’ll feel as I do when I say that the most surprising thing is how weren’t some of these sites selected when they’re so clearly a fantastic choice.
Sheboygan, Wisconsin
No, Sheboygan wasn’t first on anyone’s list, but the folksy charm of this Wisconsin community won over hearts of some at the USSF. Unfortunately for this town, it was scratched from the list of contenders due to its community strength of cheese manufacturing and the lactose intolerance of FIFA President Sepp Blatter. Sheboygan, however, is very hopeful to be the host of the 2012 Dairy Games.
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Tulsa was an intriguing host possibility if for no other reason than the interesting summer storms that frequent “Tornado Alley”. Playing the home field advantage card in attempting to sell itself as the Azteca of the Midwest, it sadly missed the cut because the committee didn’t feel an F5 twister was quite the draw the Tulsa organizers thought it was.
Chicago, Illinois
Perhaps the biggest head scratcher of an omission was the USSF base of operation, Chicago. The last time the World Cup was in the States, this city hosted the marquee opening match, but nursing one hell of a post-Olympics bid hangover, Chicago would have no such part this year. Insiders point to Soldier Field being one of the smaller venues under consideration, but truth be told, this year's bid didn’t quite have the swagger as it did in years' past. In fact, legendary Chicago Bears coach refused to be part of the process this time around due to his role in the movie, Kicking and Screaming.
Detroit, Michigan/Cleveland, Ohio/ Gary, Indiana
With the exception of Gary, IN, these cities were in the running right up until the end of the process. In an unprecedented move, and after failing to secure a hosting bid for themselves, these three municipalities launched their own venture to bring the games to their area. The joint effort to bring the World Cup to the so-called "Tire Triangle," aptly named for the high frequency of tire and rubber manufacturers found between the Isosceles lines they make on a map, is considered quite a long shot though the committee is unfazed. In a related story, other locational triangles such as the Bermuda Triangle are said to be considering a bid, though they’re considering even less likely given the likelihood of fans vanishing during travel to the games.
Butte, Montana
Picturesque as it may be, Butte had one major hurdle it just couldn’t get over. Apparently, the city's name was very similar to a certain part of the human anatomy which was uproariously funny to those at the USSF. However, the Butte residents swear they’ve “never heard that one before.”
Dillon, South Carolina
Better known as "South of the Border," this tourist mecca was trying to ditch it’s kitschy past and move on to a newer, brighter future. Claiming it would be the best choice to host the opening and closing game because it could provide the fireworks, the hopefuls felt they were a shoe-in. Apparently, it takes more than a presentation with a big bang to be selected as their firecracker of an attempt was a true dud.
Toronto, Canada
The Toronto bid committee provided perhaps the strangest bid of all the cities not selected. As anyone with a 3rd grade education could easily point out, Toronto is not in the United States and should have had their bid summarily dismissed, though they were allowed to present their argument to an extremely confused USSF. Despite making an argument that they were simply the slightly colder version of “America North” and promises to stop ending all sentences with “eh”, their bid was an abject failure.
Chattanooga, Tennessee
The “Noog,” too, had a clumsy attempt at securing a future World Cup site. As any of you who have been as unfortunate to visit Chattanooga can attest, the tourist trap known as Rock City is really their only cultural draw. Though gifts are not permitted to be given to the World Cup Host City Selection Committee, the “See Rock City” slogan birdhouses left in their hotel rooms might have had the opposite intended effect as most of the members were instantly appalled at the Tennessean’s lack of wherewithal when it came to bribes.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Unluckily for Minneapolis, weather played a huge part in their failed bid to secure themselves a hosting site. For a great deal of Minnesota and certainly the metropolitan Minneapolis area, winter lasts nine months and the very real threat a snowstorm in June was too much of a risk to take. The Minneapolis presenters floated an idea of playing in an igloo or perhaps that the snow would evoke memories of the U.S. victory against Poland a few years ago, but the USSF never warmed to the idea.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Salt Lake City has proven it could host a big time event since it hosted the Olympics years ago, but it was the USSF’s fear of polygamy that kept them from being awarded a potential hosting site. The outraged Mormon community quite literally sang the praises of the SLC when the Mormon Tabernacle Choir presented its disappointment with a rousing rendition of “Party All the Time” by Eddie Murphy. Surely an odd choice, though I suppose the vocalists wanted to show they could throw down with the best of them. Song and all, Salt Lake and it's loyal constituents were not to be found on the final list, however, this community won’t be saddened by failure as they can find comfort and consolation from their multiple spouses.
Though spirits may be down in these cities across our country, I’m sure they’ll have their time in the sun. Eventually each of these communities will get to show the world what they’ve got on the world stage, but even if that never works out, I hear the circus is coming to town and, hey, who doesn’t like the circus?
The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of JROCK, and not of the JimmyConrad.com Staff (save for one) or of Jimmy Conrad. Unbeknownst to many, JROCK moonlights as a model for Vidal Sassoon and if you have any comments or questions in general or about hair care, he can be reached at JROCK@jimmyconrad.com.
