Championship Grooming

By JROCK

With the MLS playoffs entering into the final leg of the first round, I thought this would be the most appropriate time to discuss my love affair with a certain hairy sport tradition.  Its powers are legendary and have the ability to make postseason magic happen with every kick of the ball, swing of the bat, or pull of the groin.  To the initiated, I am of course referring to the wondrous and mythical phenomena known as the Playoff Beard.  The Playoff Beard is the perfect synergy of the will to win and often, unwieldy whiskers. 

The history of the Playoff Beard stems from the National Hockey League tradition of entire teams growing glorious facial hair together as a sign of unity during a Stanley Cup playoff runs, vowing not to shave before they either won the Cup or were bounced from the playoffs.  Much to my chagrin my love affair with the Playoff Beard started so very late in life.  Only three years ago I discovered utility man extraordinaire and former member of the Cleveland Indians, Casey Blake, who had grown a Playoff Beard during the MLB playoffs.  For me it was love at first hair.

  Razors fear him and women adore him.

What can’t be understated is the power of the Playoff Beard.  You will be hard pressed to find a championship team in any major sport without at least one bearded champion and that includes the WNBA.  Studies have been commissioned to ascertain what the correlation between winning and the ultimate affirmation of manliness, the beard, but conclusive evidence is hard to come by.  What those looking for an answer don’t understand is that there is no understanding to the power of the Playoff Beard, it’s just so. 

What is perhaps the very sign that MLS is gaining traction in the US market is the emergence of the Playoff Beard during the MLS Cup playoffs.  During the 2006 & 2007 duration of the playoffs, the roster of the Houston Dynamo sported a “lucky beard”.  It was no coincidence the Dynamo were crowned champions both times.  Upon learning of this most American of traditions, England’s own David Beckham has begun sporting a very gangly beard in preparation for the Galaxy’s playoff push.  Things were off to a rough start though when Beckham, much like his time spent in the MLS, didn’t put forth much effort as he initially was adorned with the lesser sibling of the Playoff Beard, the Playoff Mustache.  Despite losing his sponsorship deal with Gillette several years ago, Beckham was initially apprehensive about not shaving, luckily he came around when it was determined by Posh that Beards were in style this year in Milan.

  Ladies and Gentleman – Your 2009 MLS Cup Champion

I too have gotten caught up in the beard season and have started growing my very own Playoff Beard for my own cause, readership.  I am vowing not to shave my beard until a single reader emails me to tell me what he thinks of this article.  Needless to say, I am fully expecting to look like Cat Stevens before that happens.

The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of JROCK, and not of the JimmyConrad.com staff (save for one) or of Jimmy Conrad, who has been known to rock a beard for sex appeal from time to time.  Any questions, comments, or concerns for JROCK can be directed to the man himself at JROCK@jimmyconrad.com.